What I Have With You, I Don’t Want With Anyone Else

There is a woman in my life. We talk daily, for hours. She shares everything with me, and so do I. She is probably the only person I can blindly rely on. She has my back, always. When she is hurt, I cry more than her. If I am disturbed, she cannot sleep at night. She knows me so well that she can sense my mood. No matter how much I try, I can never hide my feelings and fears from her. As long as I have her by my side, I know nothing can go wrong. And if things go sideways, she is always there with a solution. She is the smartest woman I know.

Life is fun with her. We roam around the streets of Delhi. Try new places to eat. Sit for hours in McDonald’s or CCD and talk. She tells me stories about her neighbours and her pet. Time seems to move so fast when I am with her. An hour seems like a mere minute. She takes me with her wherever she goes- be it to the doctor or grocery shopping.

She knows how I feel about the people in my life. She can even predict my thoughts. She is my secret keeper. My personal diary, of sorts. The best part, she has never let me down and she would never. My secrets are safe with her. I am safe with her.

Whenever I go to her place, she makes my favourites- Matar Paneer and Raita. One of the many ways she shows me how lucky I am to have her. She knows how much I love watermelons. She already has a big bowl full of watermelon in the refrigerator for me before I even reach!

I lost my mother at a very tender age. I was lonely and desperate. I did not know how to face this world. She came to my rescue and held my hand. I cried on phone for hours when I missed Maa. She calmed me down and made me realize that I am not alone. She showered all her love on me. She has some magic in her. Even after years, she has the same serene effect on me. She practically brought me up despite being miles away. She nurtured me, too. She instilled in me a sense of security which no one else ever could. She dedicated her life to me. She protected me like a tigress looks after her cubs. Dare anyone lay a finger on me! That is why Baba calls her “Dabang”!

She may be Dabang, but she is also the most compassionate person on this whole wide world. So generous and caring! There are no bounds to her love. She helps as many people as she can. She never says no to any needy person. She always smiles and gives. I have not seen a human with a bigger heart. She is a beautiful soul. She is a misfit for these selfish and gluttonous times. Whatever I say about her would only be an understatement. Words can never be enough!

She is my bosom friend, I am hers. She is my companion, I am hers. She is my soulmate, I am hers. She is my prized possession, I am hers. I forget all my worries and fears around her. She is the happiest with me. I know her deepest, darkest secrets and she knows mine. She loves me with all her heart. I love her with everything I have. She cares for me more than a mother cares for her newborn baby. She is wonderful. I look upto her. She is my role model, the ideal woman, the embodiment of all that I want to be one day. She is my silver lining. She is the light that always guides me home and ignites my soul. She is my closest, my dearest, someone I cannot imagine my life without- my Nani!




A Jumbled Rant

Present time is eternal. It is inaccessible to empirical consciousness and knowledge. One knows about time as “yesterday” and “tomorrow” but today seems to be unending.

Time is the double headed monster of damnation and salvation. Today will soon become yesterday. It cannot come back, except in memory. And human memory is fragmented and faltering.
This is the paradox of time. There is no escape from time except through memory. Time is inexorable.

Our relationship to this double headed monster is that of horror: the realization that time flies, that it takes it’s toll on us, that it will destroy us and bring death. Only way to negate this horror is through habit. Habit fixes time. It is a comfort, a way to cope with the struggles, sufferings and voids of human life.

Habit is a dual entity. It stops us from searching and seeking the purpose of life, inhibits us from asking important metaphysical questions.

Habit is invoked so that we stop ourselves from feeling any guilt or horror of the wrongs done by our ancestors. We have to shoulder the responsibility of the acts of horror carried out by our ancestors. Once we acknowledge this, we can overcome the guilt. Salvation is not possible without acknowledgement of guilt. Acknowledgement of the alienation of human life is the next step.

The answer to all barbarism can be found within humanity. Human beings are capable of restoring what has been destroyed.

Meaning of our seemingly purpose-less life can be found within the human community, in relation to other humans. The disease of human life is loneliness.

The ultimate truth of life: humans are born alone and they die alone.